In order to survive the possible zombie Apocalypse that awaits us in the future, we must understand how the zombies function. First off, zombies come in two different flavors. There are the slow zombies and then there are the fast zombies. Slow Zombies are pretty much harmless. Not saying that they won't eat your body or tear you from limb to limb, but if you are caught by a slow zombie, you deserve dismemberment. Fast zombies are the guys you have to watch out for. Their speed can be quite surprising and if you run, they will run faster.
Another thing you must know about zombies is that they CAN NOT climb. Many movies like “Day Of The Dead” depict zombies climbing buildings to reach the survivors on the top. This is just Hollywood, not fact. Climbing on top of a building probably isn't one of the best ideas to survive a Zombie Apocalypse for one main reason. Being on top of a building usually requires climbing a stairwell which only goes up and down. This means that if zombies notice you are there and infest the building your in, the only way out is to jump.
You might be thinking "Well if I'm hiding in a building, how will they know that I'm there?" Zombies might be dead (well... undead) but they still can see and hear just like you and me. If you make any noise while zombies are around, 100% of the time they will come and investigate, so don't make a lot of noise. Zombies can also be attracted by movement or lights. Don't make fires or SOS signals with smoke because zombies are sure to come faster than help.
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Let me just say, I love your humorous/sarcastic approach of this guide. Your telling how it really is!
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