Zombie Survival Guide: Understanding Zombies

In order to survive the possible zombie Apocalypse that awaits us in the future, we must understand how the zombies function. First off, zombies come in two different flavors. There are the slow zombies and then there are the fast zombies. Slow Zombies are pretty much harmless. Not saying that they won't eat your body or tear you from limb to limb, but if you are caught by a slow zombie, you deserve dismemberment. Fast zombies are the guys you have to watch out for. Their speed can be quite surprising and if you run, they will run faster.

Another thing you must know about zombies is that they CAN NOT climb. Many movies like “Day Of The Dead” depict zombies climbing buildings to reach the survivors on the top. This is just Hollywood, not fact. Climbing on top of a building probably isn't one of the best ideas to survive a Zombie Apocalypse for one main reason. Being on top of a building usually requires climbing a stairwell which only goes up and down. This means that if zombies notice you are there and infest the building your in, the only way out is to jump.

You might be thinking "Well if I'm hiding in a building, how will they know that I'm there?" Zombies might be dead (well... undead) but they still can see and hear just like you and me. If you make any noise while zombies are around, 100% of the time they will come and investigate, so don't make a lot of noise. Zombies can also be attracted by movement or lights. Don't make fires or SOS signals with smoke because zombies are sure to come faster than help. 



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Prepare For The Worst

Keeping yourself alive in a zombie apocalypse won’t be an easy task. Besides being able to kill zombies, you have to be in shape.

First off, being out of shape just won’t cut it in the land of zombies. You need to be quick and limber in order to escape tight situations. Outrunning and outsmarting zombies requires a lot of cardio, so exercise now before you find your neighbors knocking down your doors for brains. Along with being in shape, you should stretch from time to time. Surviving a zombie apocalypse is much like a football game, if you pull a muscle or strain your back, you’re not going to be able to outrun your opponent for long.

Now that you’re in shape and ready to take on the world, you must know that surviving a zombie apocalypse requires being ruthless and almost heartless. This might cause a problem for most people but as long as you follow these few rules, you will learn how to stay alive longer.

First off, there is no such thing as private property in the land of the undead. Everything is for the taking when trying to survive so don’t feel bad if you have to loot a dead neighbors house or break into a store or two to grab necessary equipment, food, or beverages.

Being ruthless also requires minimal heroics. There is no reason to endanger yourself to help somebody else. Unless there is some sort of benefit towards you, I would stay away from any heroic activity.

Now here is the hardest part of being ruthless, being able to kill a friend or family member who has been bitten. The good news is you don’t necessarily have to kill them right away. If they are still mobile, they can be useful as bait to lure zombies away from you. As heartless as this may seem, it is better than having to kill them. You just have to remember, everybody is hungry for flesh when they are a zombie so kill them before they kill you.

Killing Time

Now that you know your enemy and are physically fit to survive, it’s time to learn how to kill zombies and what weapons to use in certain situations.

The first thing you should know when killing zombies is that guns are for emergency use ONLY!!! This is very important because it’s easy to spray a round of bullets at a zombie without coming too close to it, but it’s not the smartest thing to do. Guns need bullets and without bullets, guns are useless. For this reason, it is recommended that you should carry a blunt weapon with you at all times. Baseball bats and shovels don’t need bullets or need to be reloaded so swing away.

You may be thinking “why a blunt object when a knife or sharp object can pierce or cut things?” The answer to this is simple, unless you are using a sharp machete or a samurai sword, you won’t be able to cause enough damage to kill it. Remember, killing a zombie requires disabling its brain. This makes knives more of a tool than a weapon.

If you do find yourself in a situation where the use of a gun is necessary, make sure you get the job done. Nothing is worse than being attacked by a hoard of undead and spraying bullets just to find out that some of the zombies are getting back up and coming after you again. If you’re already finding yourself using a gun, make sure the job gets done and put an extra bullet in Mr. Rotten Flesh’s head.

Be Smart

Surviving a zombie apocalypse also requires brains as well as brawn. Sometimes you may have to think on your toes. Here are some tips from me to you to hopefully help you make a better decision in sticky situations

If you find yourself able to join a group, do it! The best way to increase your odds of survival is to surround yourself with people you can either trust to cover your back, or outrun. If your alone, zombies have no choice but to eat you. If your in a group though, they have more options.

If you find that zombies are blocking a route that you desperately need to go through, don't try running and gunning. You'll most likely draw more attention to yourself than necessary. Don't try sneaking around either. If one zombie sees you, they will all eventually chase you, instead try to blend in as much as possible. Cut open a zombie or two and drench yourself in the stench of rotting flesh. Throw some organs around your neck like a scarf and roll around in the blood like a pig in a mud puddle. Sounds gross but if you want to get through those zombies, then you have to look and act like one.

Shelter is a major thing in zombie survival so you need to know what your looking for. Mobile homes are a great source of shelter. If you ever have to evacuate an area quickly you don’t have to pack or organize, just put it in drive and go. If a mobile home is not an option then make sure you know your way out of your shelter. This means don’t try to hide or take cover in places with only one or limited entrances. If a zombie horde comes at you, you might have nowhere to run. Make sure you make base somewhere with multiple exits and make sure you have a plan of escape for every scenario.

Transportation is also something you need to think about. Good looking cars like a Mercedes or BMW are nice to cruise in but after you run over a few flesh eaters, it won't be looking so pretty or run as smoothly. For this reason, SUV's and Trucks are best for transportation in a zombie apocalypse. Don't be worried about gas either, everything is free when everybody is dead, well undead, so make sure you have some extra gas cans or anything that you can keep gas in.


Now that you know how to survive a zombie apocalypse, spread your knowledge to close friends in family so you can survive it together! Who knows, maybe you'll run into me one day ;)